I’ve followed your writing for many months now, and this is the best post you've written. I'm looking forward to your posts after this, shaped by this greater sense of self-awareness.
Be careful. Claude was not designed to give reflective advice. There are no psychological safeguards that are peer reviewed by the psych community. In fact, more harm than good has been observed.
firstly, thank you for having the courage to post this.
second, oof this hits home: two kids under five, a genuine superhero of a wife who handles so many of the details, and the seemingly infinite chips left on the table because i simultaneously want to be the dad my kids deserve while accomplishing something meaningful outside of parenting.
the part i take issue with is "you’re trying to hold two incompatible dreams without letting either die": we can hold multiple "truths" in our heads at the same time, even diametric opposites. Claude frames the "trade-off" between family and career ambition too directly.
sometimes you've just got to let it fucking ride. not every moment needs to be "productive" or "optimized". reading a with your kids isn't opportunity cost, it's something else entirely. the trade-off framing makes presence feel like it's stealing from ambition, when really they exist on orthogonal planes.
Remember what you would want in your eulogy instead of a tombstone and remember that the most common regret on a deathbed is having worked too hard while there was so much love around. Productivity and P&L isn’t lasting and is a false measurement in a society obsessed with it. There are more important things you clearly see with your family. The message is simple and so is the lesson.
A very honest & packed with self-realisation article. It takes immense courage to put down all your thoughts and conversations you have had with someone (here "Claude"), which you don't want to share. Just have those realisations and act on them. But here you're sharing them. Kudos Nikunj!
Wow this was eye opening. I’m still 21, an international student, far far away from home in the cornfields of uiuc. I battle between ambition and family time with parents and grandparents back home. We have different stories, different timeline, but the same theme. Nevertheless, still a lot of balancing to do for me!
Hits hard. There is a lot of what we write (preach) that conflicts with what we actually do (follow). I have learned to come to terms with it, because somewhere someone will read it and do the right things for themselves and their loved ones.
Thanks for writing this. The tension we feel is our subconscious is trying to steer us. I am not sure I care about the tombstone either way but more about what I feel before sleeping every night. There are days when I skip meetings and then there are days when I skip bedtimes. And if I overdo anything, my body steers me in the correct direction, if I am open to listening.
Another thing I am trying to remember is it is a phase of life, there will be time later when kids will not need me so much and I might still have the drive to find meaning at work.
Having said this. I ma far from finding peace with my balance, and just frame it as a dynamic unstable equilibrium, which I have to maintain.
This post was next level. Deeply relatable. Thank you so much for sharing 🙏
I really appreciate you writing this post!
I’ve followed your writing for many months now, and this is the best post you've written. I'm looking forward to your posts after this, shaped by this greater sense of self-awareness.
Be careful. Claude was not designed to give reflective advice. There are no psychological safeguards that are peer reviewed by the psych community. In fact, more harm than good has been observed.
Of course. This is just one data point. But I felt there was more right here than wrong :)
firstly, thank you for having the courage to post this.
second, oof this hits home: two kids under five, a genuine superhero of a wife who handles so many of the details, and the seemingly infinite chips left on the table because i simultaneously want to be the dad my kids deserve while accomplishing something meaningful outside of parenting.
the part i take issue with is "you’re trying to hold two incompatible dreams without letting either die": we can hold multiple "truths" in our heads at the same time, even diametric opposites. Claude frames the "trade-off" between family and career ambition too directly.
sometimes you've just got to let it fucking ride. not every moment needs to be "productive" or "optimized". reading a with your kids isn't opportunity cost, it's something else entirely. the trade-off framing makes presence feel like it's stealing from ambition, when really they exist on orthogonal planes.
I agree. That’s why I wrote originally it’s a false dichotomy. But it IS hard :)
Remember what you would want in your eulogy instead of a tombstone and remember that the most common regret on a deathbed is having worked too hard while there was so much love around. Productivity and P&L isn’t lasting and is a false measurement in a society obsessed with it. There are more important things you clearly see with your family. The message is simple and so is the lesson.
Belated happy birthday, Nikunj! This was a great read, thank you for your vulnerability.
Thanks for sharing, your vulnerability and drive are both inspirational!
By far one of the best pieces I’ve read in sometime. Many portions of it were slightly relatable as I enter into my late 20s. Thank you for sharing.
Love love this. thank you sharing!
Wishing you a very happy birthday
A very honest & packed with self-realisation article. It takes immense courage to put down all your thoughts and conversations you have had with someone (here "Claude"), which you don't want to share. Just have those realisations and act on them. But here you're sharing them. Kudos Nikunj!
don’t sweat the imperfections.. they’re about half the things that your kids will bond with each other over : )
thanks for sharing!
Wow this was eye opening. I’m still 21, an international student, far far away from home in the cornfields of uiuc. I battle between ambition and family time with parents and grandparents back home. We have different stories, different timeline, but the same theme. Nevertheless, still a lot of balancing to do for me!
Hits hard. There is a lot of what we write (preach) that conflicts with what we actually do (follow). I have learned to come to terms with it, because somewhere someone will read it and do the right things for themselves and their loved ones.
Great post. Thank you for sharing!
Time to play a new game or invent a new one?
Thanks for writing this. The tension we feel is our subconscious is trying to steer us. I am not sure I care about the tombstone either way but more about what I feel before sleeping every night. There are days when I skip meetings and then there are days when I skip bedtimes. And if I overdo anything, my body steers me in the correct direction, if I am open to listening.
Another thing I am trying to remember is it is a phase of life, there will be time later when kids will not need me so much and I might still have the drive to find meaning at work.
Having said this. I ma far from finding peace with my balance, and just frame it as a dynamic unstable equilibrium, which I have to maintain.