Belonging

LFG and other lies we tell ourselves about fitting in

Belonging is a weird fleeting thing we all chase.

We need some label that makes us feel like we belong. The solo builder who thrived in isolation suddenly joins “founder communities.” The dropout who succeeded by ignoring conventional wisdom starts memorizing every framework. Companies that won through chaos implement “proper org structure.”

Even rebels need other rebels to confirm they’re rebelling correctly.

Three days in SF and people are live streaming themselves coding at bars. One week later, they’re saying “PMF” instead of “people like our thing.” Two weeks pass and everyone’s ending emails with “LFG!” Like they’re going to war, not shipping invoicing software.

We tell everyone to think from first principles while we follow paths carved by strangers.

I did the same thing. At my first startup, I memorized growth frameworks from companies that had nothing to do with ours. Copied Airbnb’s meeting structure for our 8-person team. Our own data had all the answers, but I was too busy pattern-matching to look.

As a new VC, I also got caught in the gossip loop of deal flow. Everyone sharing the same rumors about the same hot rounds. Found better companies reading obscure research papers than chasing what everyone already knew about.

The most successful people still desperately want to belong somewhere. Even though what made them successful was not belonging in the first place.

The best work happens before you know the rules. Before you find your tribe. When you’re just building something because it bothers you that it doesn’t exist.

You’ll catch yourself eventually using the language. Nodding at frameworks that feel hollow.

Performing belonging instead of just being.

The people changing the world are too busy to notice they don’t fit in. The rest of us are at meetups.